Once upon a time, my life had no plan, no hope, no want and no dream, I had no focus.
I was a wanderer who wanted to fit into everyone’s profile. I had no sense of thinking to become who I really should be. I was even abandoned by the few friends I had, because apparently, no one wants to be friends with a visionless and purposeless person. I had no sense of responsibility, no vision, no statement, no watch word. At a point I felt broken, shattered, depressed and rejected by the world. I never saw any good in myself. Low self-esteem even got the better part of my soul. I never saw anything good, apart from the air I breath, there was nothing else left.
The air was a sign that there is hope for the future but I didn’t have hope still. Until one day, I got to meet a young man who seemed warm and friendly, who told me he could make everything better, so I stopped thinking less of myself and I began to think of this young man who told me he gave himself for my redemption. I wept profusely that very day, and I decided to follow him. He showered me with the love nobody has shown me, he didn’t even condemn me for being a wanderer. From that day, I began to see my potentials, my abilities, my capacities, my dreams, even my friends that once abandoned me came to me.
If you are living a void like i once lived, you just need to surrender to the master that shows the way and the light, let him breath in you.
I am not, I am not a bride.
Not yet I am a girl child who deserves a chance to live as happily and freely as any other child.
Instead, I live every day and night. Hopeless, helpless waiting for death to come for me.
I have no rights anymore.
Instead, like a slave.
I work from dawn to dusk on my in-laws plantation, without so much as a drop of water or a grain of rice in my belly.
I feel the intense hunger pangs threatening to degenerate into ulcer.
At night, my husband demands for my body.
He says he has bought me from my parents at a very hefty price that he is both husband and master to me and must have whatever he desires of me, with or without my consent, without regard of my mental health.
I must satisfy him, never refusing, never complaining.
I am so young yet so old, I have suffered several pains due to labour and hardship in my husband’s house.
Sometimes, I wonder if I had sinned in my past life and my penance was to be a girl child or if this is simply fate in motion.
The tiny drop blood that was shed that dark night
Left me devastated, shattered, teary and broken.
I never thought someone could deny my opinion
I never thought he could ignore my fearful plea
My pleas for help
My pleas for him to stop
My tiny blood was shed that dark night
My bones were weary, nearly broken
I told him NO repeatedly
I chanted my pleas
I expressed my discomfort
But it all fell on deaf ears
Deafened by self desire, he remained on top
His lust so vivid
Alas, he had his way.
My Innocent tiny blood shed
on the floor.
He took away my voice, my heart, my love, my hope, my dreams.
He made me hate myself
He left me a stranger to my self and my world.
Three years has passed and I am still perturbed,
All I can see is the tiny blood that was shed
To pay for the sins I didn’t commit.
Picture perfect memories are not the images
I see when I look back and think of a younger me.
I see his face flash in my mind smiling his ugly dirty smile.